I Loved You First
by speedfanatic05
Summary: After ten years, Tim finds a way to let go and step into his future


I Loved You First

Disclaimer: They aren't mine, I will keep them for a while then return when I'm finished.

A/N: Listening to a song and this is what happened. It's supposed to be a one shot, but let me know if you want more. I will consider.

A/N#2: Just in case you are wondering, the song I listened to was Samson by Regina Spektor.

Warning: The possible need for hankies.

_You are my sweetest downfall_

_I loved you first_

_I loved you first_

_Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth_

_I have to go_

_I have to go..._

Samson by Regina Spektor

He watched the leaves fall, it seeming almost useless. The falls in Miami never got the fall temperatures, yet the leaves still fell as if they knew it was natural. Just like him coming here. He had done it so many times , it became natural. At first he felt the sting of the loss, it being too new to process it, but as the years passed, he learned to come here without it drawing a single tear. He was proud of himself in that aspect, but he had to wonder if he was forgetting. The absence of the pain caused alarm. Without it, would he be able to remember?

He knelt down at the tombstone that bared his family's name, seeing hers there along with their daughter, both with their dates complete. His was there as well, but the date wasn't complete. His life wasn't complete. Apparently, there was things left for him to do. Pulling a hand through his hair, he looked to the horizon, getting lost in his memories. He could still hear their voices, he could even at times still smell their aromas, but what he couldn't remember was the smiles that they wore. No matter how hard he had tried, he couldn't remember.

Crouching down, he traced their names with his left hand. The ring on his finger had never been taken off, even after ten years he couldn't seem to do it. It was the last reminder of what he had, of the miracle his life turned out to be. Despite his attempts, the love that she gave him won out, and took him prisoner. Before her, his life was hell, with her there, it had turned to bliss. Now after her, it resembled something like purgatory . A cross between heaven and hell.

He felt a pang in his heart at the thought of his daughter. Her youth was precious, yet it was taken from her too soon. She would never get to know the simplest things, like hanging out with friends , going shopping, talking to boys. All of that was before her time. Closing his eyes, he felt it. The odd feeling of long dormant tears as they made it to the surface. Ten years had passed since that day he had lost her, lost them. Ten years without feeling the love that he had grown accustomed to and expected. Ten long years.

Tim looked at her name again, remembering the day she was born, a smile coming through the tears. Trista had been in labor with her for over eight long hours, but when Taryn came, it was as if a miracle had appeared. The pain that Trista had felt was forgotten as she took the tiny baby in her arms. Tim looked at them from a far, in awe at what he had. Never in a million years did he think he was worthy of what had been given to him, and their absence now told him that he was partly right. The gift that had been given was too good for him, and therefore had to be returned. He loved them with all of his heart when they were here, and it was that memory that he took with him wherever he went.

" Hi you guys, it's me," Tim said softly as he switched positions and came to rest on his bottom. He only did that if he knew he was going to be here for a while, and the way that he was feeling at the moment, he didn't know how long this would be. Thankfully, he had the day off. " I know I hadn't been here in a while. Things have started happening. I'm actually speaking to others now," he chuckled lightly.

The silence that accompanied him gave him a feel of loneliness. He didn't know if he could go on , but he had to, " Alexx, as always, is worried about me. I keep telling her that you taught me well, Trista. Despite this, she continues to mother me, but I don't mind. It helps fill the void."

The wind started to pick up and he cleared his throat of the tears that had started to take root there. For him to begin anew, he wanted this. Glancing up , he saw her as she stood next to the car, very pregnant. It happened fast, a night that he had needed comforting, and she had given it to him, and much more. Upon finding out, Tim knew that he owed it to them to let them know what was going on. A new love had taken him, but there was the feeling of grief that he had yet to get over. In some senses, he knew that he would never completely let go, but little by little , his ability to move on had strengthened. It no longer crippled him.

" I suppose that its evident, Trista. I have found someone. She has been there all the time, a friend and confidant. She was there after I lost you. She helped me pick up the pieces. She reminded me that there was love still inside of me and Ididn't die with you."

The wind continued to blow, ruffling his dark mane as he dropped his head. Never would he thought he could do this, but as he sat there, it became easier and easier. He lifted his hand and slipped the ring off of his finger. Looking at it, he turned it over in his palm. The gold band had felt heavy for ten years, now it was light as a feather.

No matter where I go, who I am with, what I do, Trista, know that I loved you first," he said as he gently put the ring down on the grantite. Placing his hands on the stone, the relief swept through him, producing more tears. He would never forget them as long as he lived. They would have a place in his heart forever. Knowing that he had done what he came to do, he got up slowly and bent down to kiss the cold stone, " I will remember you both. And I promise I won't be a stranger. I know wherever you are, you are happy and in peace. Rest well."

Standing straight, he closed his eyes and let the wind take his thoughts and his love for Trista with it as it whipped out of the cemetary. As he walked to his new life, he could still hear his own words in his mind. _I loved you first_...At that thought, he could see both of them clearly. The smiles that had evaded him had resurfaced. He could walk now with steady determination to the rest of his life.Somewhere out there, he knew that she understood. They understood.


End file.
